Today I saw a small rice-paddy perimetered with a rotting bamboo bridge. Along one edge of the bridge was the shambles of an old shack; a living place. Holes perforated the roof and the planking that composed the walls was soaked with filthy rain water. A sad excuse for a home.

Fine (it's not). There is poverty in the world. We all know that.

One block down the street there was a Mercedes-Benz showroom.

China in a nutshell.

I walked down a night market yesterday and played a game. How many people can I count staring at me? After I hit one-hudred in two blocks I stopped counting.

The stares of the Chinese can be logically organized into three groups: Non-Gender Specific, Men & Women.

Non-Gender Specific:
The 'sweet crap it's a white guy' stare.
The 'sweet crap it's a white guy I want to steal his wallet' stare.
The 'Oh no you didnt!' stare.
The 'This is an example of the dominating-superpower of the world?' stare.
The 'White boys gotta big nose' stare.
The 'Stare, Pretend to not stare, then stare again' stare.
The 'English practice but I'm too scared' stare.

Men:
The 'Is the sun in my eyes or am I really angry at the white guy?' stare.
The 'My urge to beat up this white guy is at conflict with my countries new-found role in the WTO and our potential in the global market' stare.

Women:
The 'sweet crap it's a white guy I bet he'll pay double for my prostiution services' stare.
The 'Im turned on by your greencard potential' stare.
The 'Stare, laugh, walk three feet away, look back again, giggle, walk three more feet, look back and get stared down by Ian' stare.

More to come later.

Mimes would be the ultimate intercultural communicators. You may argue that mimes rely on certain cultural metaphors to convey meaning. But what is the alternative? Learning the language? Screw that. Mimes have a wealth of experience to draw on when it comes to explaining things by way of body interpolation.

And mimery is usually the only way I can communicate here in China. To the giggling delight of the Chinese.

I certainly have all the office girls smiling every time they see me. Though I'd like to believe it's because of my ganster walk/talk, I know it's my inspirational pantomimes of "What spreadsheet are you using?"

Above my rectum
Chinese food ravages you
Invincible, Brave.