I have assembled, repaired, and programmed computers. But all the toto-tech buttons in the bathroom scare the shit out of me. Yesterday I lit the bathtub on fire. Tiresome of the lukewarm water expelled by the uncooperative ohuro-shower (all baths have an attached shower) I started mashing buttons like my eight-year-old self playing Street Fighter. Whilst locked in this Darwinian man vs. machine battle for supremacy I hit the "atatakai ga" button, which should mean "warm up." Apparently "atatakai ga" is a very special button reserved for usage only when the bathtub contains water to be heated. Soon smoke came issuing out of the empty bathtub. And then I, like so many foreigners before me, ran out of the shower stark raving naked, dripping wet, and screaming from the terror. Humbled by my inability to fathom Japanese toilet technology I vowed never again to hit buttons featuring unreadable Kanji characters. In the end the shower sustained no permanent damage, however my psychological scars go to the core.
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